SICK

I was looking over my list of to-do's, I did manage to get some of the things accomplished. I would have liked to get more done. There is always tomorrow! Tomorrow is a big day for me. I start working toward a welding certification in January. Welding is something I have never done before, though I am very confident I will succeed at this profession. Tomorrow is my test drive! My husband is a carpenter and works with some very skilled welders. One of them has agreed to show me the ropes. I am nervous and excited. I feel like it's the night before the first day of school. What should I wear? lol I am trying not to stress about it too much.
I really wanted a glass of wine with dinner tonight. Booze is starting to sound better with every passing day it seems. I have to keep reminding myself that if I drink, I lose who I am completely. You see, I can't just have a glass of wine with dinner. That glass turns into two bottles, and then I find the vodka, or beer, or triple sec. Yes, I have drank a bottle of triple sec. I got so sick after. Physically sick. I have to remember that alcohol makes me sick in more than just a physical way though. It makes me emotionally sick, spiritually sick, my whole life becomes sick. My thoughts are not that of a normal person. My whole existance revolves around how I can get wasted and still put on a show for my family, friends and co-workers so that they don't realize just how sick I have become.

This is not something that I am proud of. But this is real. These are a few of the things I have to think about every day. Sometimes having a drink only crosses my mind once a day. Some days, it is all I can do to get it out of my head. WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? I can tell I haven't called my sponsor in a few days. I'll put that on my to-do list for tomorrow. That will be first on my list!